


Never Enough

by thefierydeath



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Hermann is losing control of his life, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mako is like a mom, Newt is just a big part of his life, Pre-Uprising, Sadness, could be platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 08:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14257257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefierydeath/pseuds/thefierydeath
Summary: Newt left and Hermann is left to pick up the pieces.





	Never Enough

There’s complete silence.

Which used to be a pleasant experience for Dr. Gottlieb; unfortunately, that is no longer the case.

It was roughly 2:30 AM- or closer to 3, perhaps? He hadn’t checked in a while- and Hermann was sitting at his desk, facing the rest of the lab. A blank stare occupied his face, alongside dark circles under his eyes. He clutched a cup of coffee in his hand. He didn’t drink coffee before...well, before.

This was how Hermann sat almost every night. A few people tried to make him stop for a while but when it proved useless, most gave up. Anytime she was around, Mako made a point of checking in on Hermann and insisting he go to sleep, in which case, Hermann usually at least made an attempt. Failed attempt, but an attempt nonetheless.

The nightmares just...never ended.

Sure, they varied from being haunted by the kaiju hive mind to the loss of his loved ones, but regardless, every time he closed his eyes, Hermann was assaulted by images of torture, isolation, and death.

It would have driven anyone else completely mad, but Hermann simply became...quiet.

He worked hard, trying to solve even the slightest problems. Whether that was the result of paranoia from the nightmares or merely trying to distract himself, no one was sure. His lab became a complete mess. His usually tidy lifestyle crumbled as papers piled up and chalk was scattered about. He also lost his spunk. All of the times he would retaliate with sass and confidence were replaced by placating smiles and timid replies.

And at this point, everyone figured it was less caused by the nightmares and more because Newt left.

Not long after the war ended, Newt got hired on at Shao Industries. Newt and Hermann split on good terms, and they would talk and text and then all of a sudden...things were different. Newt texted less and less, and whatever he did send didn’t even sound like him anymore. He became arrogant. Well, he always _sounded_ arrogant, but this time it felt real. He WAS successful, and rich, and important. So when Hermann tried to argue with him like the old days, it didn’t end well. They had a huge fight and that was that. Newt left him in the dust and Hermann became numb. He couldn’t believe Newt could change like this. Newt was the only one who knew what it was like, what kind of horrors Hermann was going through, but he had become too obsessed with himself and his newfound power to think about anyone else.

It took 5 years for the connection of their drift to fade. 5 years for Hermann to stop feeling Newt still with him in his mind.

Suddenly Hermann heard his phone buzz. He reached across the desk and scooped it up. The screen was lit up with a text notification.

NEWT: Hey Hermann it’s been a while! Needed to talk to the man who helped me save the world! There’s someone I want you to meet so let me know when you’re free, ok buddy?

Hermann recoiled at “the man who helped me save the world”. All at once he remembered the shocked yet ecstatic look on Newt’s face when he agreed to drift with him, all those years ago. The awe when he said, “You would do that for me? Or you would do that _with_ me?”. What in God’s name happened to that Newt?

Reluctantly, Hermann opened the text.

HERMANN: I’m not free.

Almost immediately, Newt was typing again.

NEWT: what? ever?? Of course you are

HERMANN: No. I’m too busy working.

NEWT: On what???? The war with the kaiju is OVER

NEWT: do they seriously still have you doing shit

Hermann huffed aloud.

HERMANN: We’re going to be prepared if something happens.

HERMANN: What are you even doing awake at this hour?

NEWT: C’mon please Hermann I want you to meet Alice

Hermann’s blood ran cold. He dropped his phone like it was painful to touch. Curiosity sparked and he hesitated a moment before picking his phone up again delicately.

HERMANN: Who is Alice?

God, he hoped that didn’t sound as vulnerable as it felt.

NEWT: typing...

This was magnifying his anxiety tenfold.

NEWT: Someone special. ;)

Hermann couldn’t breathe.

NEWT: Hermann?

NEWT: Hermann please.

_I can’t do this_ , Hermann thought.

He hastily turned off the phone, his hands shaking as he fumbled with the device. It was all just too much and tension built so high that he threw the phone as hard as he could against the floor. He immediately regretted how illogically angry all this was making him. He slumped down in his chair, placed his head in his hands, and before he knew it, hot tears slid down his face and dripped from his chin. He couldn’t help feeling embarrassed at all the emotion overwhelming him, even though he was entirely alone.

_God, how could he do this_ , Hermann thought. _He left and nothing is okay and the nightmares and you don’t just leave someone who you’ve drifted with and the stress and it just doesn’t end and he contacts me after 8 months just to tell me he wants me to meet some ‘Alice’ and I’ve had ENOUGH. I’m DONE._

Hermann wept bitterly.

***

When Mako walked into the lab the next morning, she found Hermann sleeping soundly, head resting on his arms on his desk. Mako could see the tear stains on his cheeks. She stared at him sadly, reached out, and brushed her fingers gently over his hair. “You poor man,” she whispered, and gently kissed his forehead before leaving the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Everything with Newt and Hermann in Uprising has me in my feels so I had to let my sadness out
> 
> If you want to hear the inspiration for the title/what I listened to while writing this look up Never Enough from The Greatest Showman and Gravity by Sara Bareilles.


End file.
